everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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