I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
