nutella sex= disaster
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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