i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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