We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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