Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
