Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
