You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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