Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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