Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
