Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
