you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
