Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
