i was born a porn star she said
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
