i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
