Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
