I've blown a few things in my day
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
