I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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