Porn is love you can see.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
