i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I stole a fireplace last night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
