Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
