if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
