thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
