it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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