Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need a beard to bite.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
