Sponge bath it is.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
