If i come over, it means nothing
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
