sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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