I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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