I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
