Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
