She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
