No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
