look no pants
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
