I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
