I hate all girls vehemently.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
