I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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