pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
