Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
