Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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