I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
