Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I could teleport
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
