Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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