Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
