The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
