I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
