We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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