So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
