I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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