If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
