we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
