I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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