I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
