Apparently you make a good broom.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
