doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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